


Thinking

by Miss_VanessaVanjie



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 07:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20578760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_VanessaVanjie/pseuds/Miss_VanessaVanjie
Summary: Well, that's my first fanfiction tbh. I couldn't sleep and this came to my mind. Isn't that bad but it's not great either.  I swear I'll try be better next  time.please leave comments, suggestions, what you think about how I could get better ya know? Thank you so much.I hope you enjoy





	Thinking

I'm always thinking about what could've happened if I had said how I feel about you  
if I had said how my heart always skips a bit when I see you, when I hear your voice or when I think about you. about us  
I wish we were an us.  
I wish you looked to me the way you look to the other guys I wish you tought about me the way you thought about them  
I wish you loved me the way I love you.  
and I'm reduced to this thought and wishes and nothings.  
nothing.  
is that what we are now. have we ever been anything else?  
I still remember the first time I saw you, the way your loud voice echoed through the stage  
The way you looked alive dancing with Alexis  
The way your smile lightened the the room.  
You.  
you looked so beautiful. you always does.  
even when you're mad cause I started smoking again, or when you're late and running to get your things together  
you're so messy. I already told you I love that?  
I love how I can found your underwear in my living room out of nowhere  
well, now I can't found anything.  
because I lost you.  
I lost your hugs, and your kisses, and your sleeping voice saying good morning to me.  
I lost your loud voice, I lost our facetime calls at 3AM with you drunk in some city saying that you miss and love me.  
I lost the sparkle in you eyes when I said it back.  
And there's nothing I miss more than I miss you.  
I miss the smell of your cologne  
I miss your name on my notification  
I miss you.  
But you don't wanna hear it? Do you?  
Because now you don't believe it anymore.  
Now you don’t care anymore  
You don't call me anymore  
I don't see you  
I don't know nothing about you.  
it's like we've never existed.  
And you're just a dream. Or a nightmare.  
I'm not sure. 

You don't answer my calls  
Or my emails.  
God don't answer my prayers and I'm alone.  
Alone with the feeling that you don't love me anymore.

With the feeling that I’ll never feel your arms around my waist and your head in my back begging me to stay again  
Cause this time, you're the one that left.

My house looks so empty without you.  
I'm used to the hurricane. To the fire.  
I'm used to the yelling.  
But now the only thing you give me is silence and loneliness.  
And that's the problem.  
I don't know how to be lonely anymore.  
the only thing in my mind is one name.  
your name  
Vanessa 

Your message is too long. Try again after the beep. 

HI MOTHERFUCKER. This is Vanessa but u know that if ya have my numb'. I cant pick up now cause I'm probably drunk HAHAHAHAH that’s it. Leave ya message after the beep. SEE YA LATER BYEEEE

**Author's Note:**

> I should be sorry?


End file.
